Welcome To Beirut

WELCOME TO BEIRUT by Susan F. Rzucidlo

(Beginner's Guide to Autism)

"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with
autism-to try and help people who have not shared in that unique
experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like
this.."

There you are, happy in your life, one or two little ones at your
feet. Life is complete and good. One of the children is a little
different than the other but of course, he's like your in-laws, and
you did marry into the family. It can't be all that bad. One day
someone comes up from behind you and throws a black bag over your
head. They start kicking you in the stomach and trying to tear your
heart out. You are terrified, kicking and screaming you struggle to
get away but there are too many of them, they overpower you and stuff
you into a trunk of a car. Bruised and dazed, you don't know where
you are. What's going to happen to you? Will you live through this?
This is the day you get the diagnosis. "YOUR CHILD HAS AUTISM"!

There you are in Beirut, dropped in the middle of a war. You don't
know the language and you don't know what is going on. Bombs are
dropping "Life long diagnosis" and "Neurologically impaired". Bullets
whiz by "refrigerator mother" " A good smack is all HE needs to
straighten up". Your adrenaline races as the clock ticks away your
child's chances for "recovery". You sure as heck didn't sign up for
this and want out NOW! God has over estimated your abilities.

Unfortunately, there is no one to send your resignation to. You've
done everything right in your life, well you tried, well, you weren't
caught too often. Hey! you've never even heard of autism before. You
look around and everything looks the same, but different. Your family
is the same, your child is the same, but now he has a label and you
have a case worker assigned to your family. She'll call you soon. You
feel like a lab rat dropped into a maze.

Just as you start to get the first one figured out ( early
intervention) they drop you into a larger more complex one (school).
Never to be out done, there is always the medical intervention maze.
That one is almost never completed.

There is always some new "miracle" drug out there. It helps some
kids, will it help yours? You will find some if the greatest folks in
the world are doing the same maze you are, maybe on another level but
a special-ed maze just the same. Tapping into those folks is a great
life line to help you get through the day. This really sucks but hey,
there are still good times to be had. WARNING! You do develop and odd
sense of humor. Every so often you get hit by a bullet or bomb not
enough to kill you, only enough to leave a gaping wound. Your child
regresses for no apparent reason, and it feels like a kick in the
stomach. Some bully makes fun of your kid and your heart aches.
You're excluded from activities and functions because of your child
and you cry. Your other children are embarrassed to be around your
disabled child and you sigh. You're insurance company refuses to
provide therapies for "chronic, life long conditions" and your blood
pressure goes up. Your arm aches from holding onto the phone with yet
another bureaucrat or doctor or therapist who holds the power to
improve or destroy the quality of your child's life with the stroke
of a pen. You're exhausted because your child doesn't sleep.

And yet, hope springs eternal.

Yes there is hope. There ARE new medications. There IS research going
on. There are interventions that help. Thank God for all those who
fought so hard before you came along. Your child will make progress.
When he speaks for the first time, maybe not until he is 8 yrs old,
your heart will soar. You will know that you have experienced a
miracle and you will rejoice. The smallest improvement will look like
a huge leap to you. You will marvel at typical development and
realize how amazing it is. You will know sorrow like few others and
yet you will know joy above joy. You will meet dirty faced angels on
playgrounds who are kind to your child without being told to be.
There will be a few nurses and doctors who treat your child with
respect and who will show you concern and love like few others.
Knowing eyes will meet yours in restaurants and malls, they'll
understand, they are living through similar times. For those people
you will be forever grateful. Don't get me wrong. This is war and its
awful. There are no discharges and when you are gone someone else
will have to fight in your place.

But, there are lulls in wars, times when the bullets aren't flying
and bombs aren't dropping. Flowers are seen and picked. Life long
friendships are forged. You share and odd kinship with people from
all walks of life. Good times are had, and because we know how bad
the bad times are, the good times are even better. Life is good but
your life in never normal again, but hey, what fun is normal.

A Bitter Sweet Day.

A Bitter Sweet Day

Today is my son's 9th Birthday. Nine years ago I gave birth to a very healthy beautiful boy. My husband was ecstatic. A boy!! He adored our daughter but I knew that our son being, his only son, and the first Grandson meant the world to him. He was so proud. Twenty two months later our world shattered in front of us. Six months prior to loosing my mom to Leukemia, Jack was diagnosed with moderate to severe Autism. I felt if I was drowning. None the less I knew I had to stay afloat for our son, for my family, For myself.

We immediately started him in early intervention. At two he entered the School System in the PEDD program. We were sure he would get better. After a lot of research we realized we lost our son to the very thing we thought was protecting him... VACCINES..........
Jack has come a long way but has so far to go. We thought and hoped he would be a lot more advanced at age nine then he is. Today we celebrate the Birthday of a beautiful boy but also we silently grieve over the loss of our son to Autism.

We are no way giving up. We sent an urine sample to Paris France where they do an intense breakdown of what pathways to the brain are blocked and with what metals. All Jack's three major pathways are blocked with mercury....... Is anyone really surprised?
SO again we are starting chelation. Are third try. This time will be oral. He had his first dose this Sat. Sun. and Monday. Three days on 11 days off. This has to work. We want our son back. We can never get back the years that were stolen away from us but if this works and he looses his Autism label, we will be euphoric!!! Happy Birthday Jack. We love and adore you!!

Feeling Sorry For Myself..........

Feeling Sorry For Myself


Today I brought my 13 year old daughter to a friend of ours, home. Visiting too was an 8 year old little boy. 8 going on 20. So articulate in his speech. What I would give for my son to be able to speak like that.. My eyes swelled with tears as I watched my daughter play a video game with him. Her Autistic brother is 8 1/2 and what I would give to have them be able to play together like that. My daughter seemed so calm and peaceful. I know siblings fight but they also play together and that is a missing link for my daughter. Autism is like a tornado it rips your home to shreds, and before your feet lies the shattered pieces of glass that rip through your heart strings. All you have left is the rubble of what could have been.........

Autism Sucks!!

I hate Autism. I hate what it does it does it to our children, I hate what it does to my son, my family and me..... Hate is very harsh word and I don't like to use it but it seems very appropriate to use because I am angry and worn out.
My son is going to be 9 years old in January and he is still not potty trained. Our home has become his toilet. They say God only gives you what you can handle. BS. God if you are listening............... I don't want to handle this anymore. I want my son to get better. I want him to loose his Autism label. We love him very much but a person can take only so much. The older he gets the harder it gets. We have tried everything and will continue too........ but enough is enough. His speech is that of a 12 month old. What I would give to have a conversation with him.
My beautiful boy was born healthy and was poisoned by vaccines. I was reading an article about the actress Jennifer Garner and how she promotes immunizations and the flu shot. As I was cleaning up the BM my son left all over the stairs. I thought of her. Stupid , Stupid woman. Do the research before you promote something you know nothing about.
I was stupid once too and now I live with Autism 24/7. I hate Autism and I hate what vaccines did to my son.................. Autism Sucks!!! It stole our beautiful healthy baby boy from us and we want him back NOW........